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What Do Girls Look For In A Guy? It’s Not What You Think

What Do Girls Look For In A Guy?

If a woman challenges you by saying something like, “You’re pretty short, dude,” does that affect your emotional state? If it does, the girl is going to become less attracted in you.

Women test a man’s ability to control his emotions because the consequences of having a child with a man who is emotionally unstable would be severe. Such a man would likely:

  • Get himself killed by getting in a fight with other men.
  • Be physically (or emotionally) abusive to both the mother and the child.
  • Abandon his child.

These are all horrible risks, women evolved to avoid taking such risks at all possible costs. Yes, today we have birth control, but the female brain evolved over hundreds of thousands of years and on a subconscious level, sex and pregnancy are irrevocably linked.

This is the fundamental reason that women play hard to get – they need to know that the man they’re having sex with can handle conflict gracefully. A girl might tease you, she might say you’re not her type, she might say she’s not having sex with you.

The more beautiful the woman, the more likely it is he’s going to make herself seem uninterested in you (even if she is). She wants to see if you can handle friction without getting bitter, angry, or needy.

The process of building emotional resilience is similar to the process of building muscle.

When you lift weights, you are intentionally putting your muscles through physical stress. The more you damage your muscles when you work out, the stronger your muscles will become.

In dating, the first time you face an uncomfortable situation – like getting teased by a girl or being rejected – it will throw you off balance. But each time you go through emotional turmoil, you will be less affected by similar experiences in the future. Emotional resilience is a muscle that you can build by facing social challenges head on.

The difference between a man who is emotionally resilient and a man who is emotionally reactive is the difference between a veteran CEO and a recent college grad who’s trying to climb the corporate ladder.

The difference between a man who is emotionally resilient and a man who is emotionally reactive is the difference between a hardened soldier who’s seen combat time and again and a guy who’s fresh out of training.

The difference between a man who is emotionally resilient and a man who is emotionally reactive is the difference between the guy who’s read 10 pickup books but never goes out and the guy who’s been approaching women multiple times a week for several months.

Emotional resilience and self-confidence are closely related. The difference between the two traits is that self-confidence means you expect things to turn out okay when you take a risk (like leaning in to kiss a girl), whereas emotional resilience means that when things don’t go well, you are unaffected. Self-confidence is a positive expectation about what will happen, emotional resilience is being at ease when things aren’t going smoothly.

Generally speaking, as you develop self-confidence you will become more emotionally resilient. But there is one important distinction, to build emotional resilience you must interpret your failures as learning experiences.

Imagine you approach a girl and tell her you think she’s cute, but she responds, “Sorry, you’re just not my type.”

Let’s say you took the rejection personally and started to think, “I’m just not attractive enough,” “Why do I even try? This is hopeless.” “If I had more money, she wouldn’t have rejected me.”

Well, if you think thoughts like that, you won’t build emotional resilience – you’re interpreting rejection as something you were victimized by.

What Do Girls Look For In A Guy Part 2: How To Build Emotional Resilience

To build emotional resilience, you must interpret rejection as an opportunity for growth. After a girl rejects you, you should think thoughts that empower you, “I put myself out there, that was 100 out of 10.”  “What could I have done differently to get a better reaction from the girl?”

When you take a positive attitude towards the experiences you have in game, you will build emotional resilience. You will learn to accept the experiences that most people would interpret as negative – and then, you will be unflappable, rejection, confrontation, social-pressure, these things will barely effect you. Your ability to remain calm no matter what happens will make you incredibly attractive to women.

For more specific strategies on building emotional resilience, check out my book: Zero F*cks Given.

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