The following article is a free excerpt from my upcoming book, Attraction On Demand:
How To Be More Attractive (By Exuding Positive Energy)
Emotions are contagious. Whether you feel anxious, angry, or happy – that emotion will spread to the people around you. When I’ve gone out to meet women in a shitty mood, most of the girls I approached would respond negatively and reject me. Yet, I’ve also had nights where I was in an amazing mood and every woman I approached would treat me like a king. The way people treat you is a reflection of the emotions you experience around them.
The degree to which our own emotions affect those around us is uncanny, and it’s something most people are completely unaware of. Because of this, if you learn to master the art of projecting positive energy, your personality will become magnetically attractive.
The quickest way to get yourself into a positive mood is with the strategy you learned in the social momentum chapter. As you build momentum and enter a flow state, you will naturally feel good about yourself (and women will feel good around you).
You can also learn to reorient your thinking to become increasingly positive in the long-term. The human brain has a natural bias towards negative thinking. We focus on the negative because our ancestors evolved in an extremely dangerous environment: simply walking down the wrong path could lead you to become a predator’s lunch. For our ancestors, the average lifespan was short and death lurked around every corner. So, the human brain evolved to pay more attention to risks than to benefits.
The human brain hasn’t changed much since prehistoric times. We still have a strong inclination to overvalue the negative and undervalue the positive in life. Fortunately, you can train your brain to reorient this bias so that positive emotions become just as addictive as negative emotions. And not only will this help you succeed with women, it will also make you feel better in your day-to-day life.
The following are three strategies for becoming increasingly positive that are backed by scientific research.
How To Be More Attractive (By Exuding Positive Energy) Part 1:
Mindfulness meditation both decreases activity in the areas of the brain associated with negative emotion and increases the activity in the areas associated with positive emotion. Meditation also teaches us to become more aware of our thoughts. We tend to get caught up in negative thinking without noticing it. Meditation will help you catch yourself and break out of those patterns.
Meditation is possibly the single habit that has had the most profound impact on my life. There is a wealth of scientific research that has shown meditation has countless benefits, it’s even been shown to be equally as effective as antidepressants for treating anxiety and depression.
Most people who try meditation find it to be frustrating at first, but that’s largely because we are so used to overthinking that spending 10 minutes alone with our mind can feel like torture.
Imagine you were overweight and you decided to start an exercise program. Within 30 seconds of getting on the treadmill, you feel exhausted, this workout is torture. Now, you could tell yourself, “Working out just isn’t for me,” but in truth, the fact that exercising is so difficult is a sign that you have a lot to gain from it: if working out is frustrating, your physical health needs attention.
Similarly, if meditation is difficult for you, that’s a sign your mind is overactive and you can benefit greatly from the practice.
Sadly, chronic negative thinking is the default setting in modern society. Meditation is a more relevant practice now than ever. If you’re interested in learning about mindfulness, I recommend checking out the applications Calm or Headspace – they both have a series of free guided meditations that will teach you how to meditate effectively. You can also simply Google, “Guided mindfulness meditation,” and try different recordings until you find some that resonate with you.
How To Be More Attractive (By Exuding Positive Energy) Part 2:
Take In The Good
By default, our brain fixates on the bad and dismisses the good in our life. Dr. Rick Hanson explains it well, “The brain is like Velcro for negative experiences, but Teflon for positive ones.”
Fortunately, Dr. Hanson created a simple, yet powerful technique for reversing this tendency. He calls it “taking in the good,” which is a habit designed to teach your brain to fully absorb the good experiences in your life so that positive thinking becomes an addiction.
The first step of taking in the good is to notice a positive experience in your life. This could be the taste of food, the sound of a good song, or even the sense of accomplishment you get after making progress towards one of your goals. Any mildly positive experience is an opportunity to take in the good.
The second step for taking in the good is to focus on the good experience for a short time. Rick Hanson writes, “Most of the time, a good experience is pretty mild, and that’s fine. But try to stay with it for 20 or 30 seconds in a row – instead of getting distracted by something else.
As you can, sense that it is filling your body, becoming a rich experience. As Marc Lewis and other researchers have shown, the longer that something is held in awareness and the more emotionally stimulating it is, the more neurons that fire and thus wire together, and the stronger the trace in memory.”
Taking in the good is a very simple process of consciously acknowledging a good experience and allowing that feeling to fully sink in to your awareness by focusing on it for 20 to 30 seconds. Doing this once or twice won’t have a profound impact on your life, but if you consistently practice this for a few weeks you’ll notice that your thoughts and emotions will become noticeably more positive.
How To Be More Attractive (By Exuding Positive Energy) Part 3:
Fake It ‘Till You Make It
Intentionally exaggerating your positive emotions can become a life-changing habit. Truth is, fake positive energy is more attractive than authentic negative energy.
The practice of creating a positive persona may feel forced and even a bit awkward at first, but over time it will become a subconscious behavior that is completely natural to you: positive energy is a habit of thought and emotion, not an inherent part of your identity.
So, what do I mean when I say you should ‘fake’ being positive?
Start asking yourself, “How would an extremely positive person act in this situation?” Think about how a positive person would walk, how they would talk, and what thoughts they would think. Intentionally add some more enthusiasm to your vocal tonality, straighten your posture, take bigger steps, and think positive thoughts.
Through a practice of intentionally changing your thoughts and behaviors, you can gradually become increasingly positive. And although this habit may feel incongruent to your personality at first, it will eventually become completely natural and subconscious.
Wrapping Up How To Be More Attractive (By Exuding Positive Energy)
Positive energy is magnetic. Cultivate positivity within yourself and people will experience an emotional pull towards your presence. Being positive won’t necessarily make women sexually attracted to you by itself, but it will open doors: women will listen to you more carefully, they will hold stronger eye contact with you, and they will want to spend more time with you.
Negativity, on the other hand, will close doors. I’ve experienced many situations where a beautiful woman was clearly attracted to me, but I killed that spark with my own negative thoughts and assumptions.
The interactions we have with others are largely a reflection of our own internal thoughts and feelings. I used to live in a world where I believed people were constantly judging me as inadequate. I was worried about being judged, so I came across as insecure. People could sense my insecurity, so they actually did feel uncomfortable around me, which in my mind, proved that my negative assumptions about others were true.
Yet, today, I see the world as a friendly place, and I generally assume people are positive and trustworthy. As a result, the way people treat me has also transformed. I feel better about myself and other people feel better about me.
Negative thinking is naturally more addictive than positive thinking. Therefore, it takes a conscious effort to shift the balance between the two. But positivity is a skill that is worth cultivating not only to improve your dating life, but also to improve your social relationships in general, and to even improve your overall experience of life.